10 Aftercare Tips For You And Your Partner

Aftercare is a broad term for how you and your partner support each other and check in after you’ve had sex.

We talk a lot about foreplay and what happens during sex, but what we don’t talk about enough is what happens after.

Sexual aftercare should be thought of as part of your sexual experience, much like foreplay, versus a separate thing after, that may feel like a chore. It’s essential for a healthy dynamic.

READ MORE: Ways To Build Intimacy After Sex

The goal of aftercare is for all parties involved to feel safe and seen while leaving space to discuss anything that came up during sex.

This concept originated from the BDSM community(bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism). BDSM scenes are both physically challenging and psychologically intense. Without proper aftercare, it is damaging and unhealthy for all parties.

In the BDSM community, aftercare is
– a safe place for all parties involved to recover after a scene/ play.
– to switch their headspace back to real life.
– a must-avoid Dom/sub drop
– a responsibility of all partners( not just dom!) involved to take care of each other after sex

Sex is emotional as much as physical. Aftercare helps soothes post-coital dysphoria, the feeling of being “used”, sadness, regret, worthlessness, shame, and anxiety after sex. It is not exclusive to BDSM but to all kinds of sex.

Everyone deserves to be cared for after sex.
Not just long-term committed monogamy relationship requires aftercare. All partners, yourself, one-night stands, sex workers, friends with benefit, long-distance relationship partner, committed polygamy partners, short-term casual partners, everyone needs and deserve aftercare.

Aftercare can include cuddling, pillow talk, discussing things that went well, having a snack, laughing, eye gazing, massage, sleeping together, kissing watching a TV show together, doing any non-sexual activity, or even taking a shower together. “Sexual aftercare differs from couple to couple, so ask your partner what they need. It is also essential, as a receiver, to ask for what you need,” Before you practice sexual aftercare, remember asking for consent is important, just like during sex.

Tips For Aftercare

1. Physical Aftercare 

First, you’ll most likely want to attend the physical.

This means rehydrating, and peeing of course to prevent a Urinary Tracts Infection. For people with vaginas, especially if you are prone to yeast infections, you may want to take whatever measures are needed to avoid irritation.

Sex can be messy! Help each other clean up, whether that be toys, sheets, or each other. For any injuries that occurred during a scene. You can even keep a dedicated aftercare first aid kit with commonly used items so you always have it handy.

READ MORE: 10 Surprising Health Benefits Of Sex

2. Talk About The Experience

Aftercare is a great opportunity to discuss what just happened during the sexual experience or scene. You can debrief on things you liked or didn’t like, anything you’d like to change, and any notes you have for your partner(s). Great sexual encounters are all about communication, so this time you’ve set aside can not only help you process your experience but help improve future encounters as well.

Some partners benefit from talking about their experiences and giving each other positive reinforcement. This can even be a form of sexy pillow talk, where you boost each other up for the fine work you just did.

3. Eat Some Snacks

Sex is often physically taxing; have a snack afterward! Everyone has their own preferences, of course, but some ideas: favorite candies or chocolates, fresh fruit or veggies, nuts, baked goods, chips, and energy bars. Whatever you settle on, make sure it’s food that makes you feel good. Don’t forget to drink lots of water too!

4. Reflect On Your Thoughts 

Is there a way you like to work through your own thoughts? Do you write in a journal or track your moods and activities on an app of some kind? If so, aftercare that involves processing your feelings might feel good to you. You can go over what happened and work out your feelings about it in a way that feels familiar.

5. Soothe Your Senses 

The smell is an extremely powerful sense. If there’s a scent that calms you down or makes you feel great, uses it! Light a candle with the smell, burn incense, put on perfume, etc. You can also try listening to some calming music or touching something soft to ground yourself via your other senses.

6. Cuddling 

Physical touch can be another way to feel grounded after sex or a scene. Try snuggling with your partner(s), wrapping yourself up in a favorite blanket, giving each other massages, holding hands, or spooning.

7. Chill And Then Netflix 

Getting lost in a TV show or movie is another option for aftercare. Try to pick something light that will make you feel good, but any favorite will do. You can also try listening to some of your favorite music or a podcast for a similar effect.

8. Bathing Or Showering Together 

Spending time washing together, or washing each other, can be an intimate experience. A person may enjoy being naked with their partner or partners in a non-sexual scenario.

Hygiene after sex is also important — washing the penis or vagina after sex can help prevent infections.

9. Some people may need space and time apart, while others will want to continue their physical connection by massaging each other, cuddling, and kissing. Both are beautiful, but it’s important to try to manage both partners’ needs. Note that taking space does not mean someone who intentionally avoids connection by rushing out the door, and reaching for a distraction in order to avoid aftercare.

If you know there’s something you or your partner will need afterward, like say chocolate, then try to plan ahead of time.

10. Hanging out and being mellow is also aftercare! Putting on an uplifting movie, dancing around to romantic tunes, and just basking in each other’s company are all ways to support each other after having sex.

Some people assume that sexual aftercare starts after one or both parties orgasm. Orgasms do not have to be the focus of your sexual encounters, and they are not necessary before engaging in aftercare.

Understanding the importance of aftercare makes sex less goal-oriented, and more about honoring everyone’s needs, and the dynamic of the relationship.

Basically whatever makes you smile after sex should be considered “Aftercare”. For you, aftercare could mean a steamy scrub down in the shower, meditation, heaping praise upon each other, or reviewing the video footage. There’s no wrong way to practice aftercare, and there’s no upper limit to how much pleasure it can create.

READ MORE: Questions To Ask Your Partner Before Going Into A Relationship With Them

Always remember, the practice isn’t just for madly-in-love, long-term couples who live together. Everybody from casual partners just hooking up and those practicing solo sex to people in long-distance relationships can practice aftercare after sex. “Those who are unpartnered or who are in long-distance relationships can create space for aftercare by using weighted blankets after sexual intimacy or cuddling with clothing or other objects that belong to your partner.

Thanks for reading and patiently following

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